I’ve been a bit out of touch lately online. For the last year I’ve been helping my parents during chemo treatments, doctor appointments and to just give some much needed TLC to my mother that has been suffering from stage 4 Lung Cancer.On June 17, 2013 at 11:39pm my mom lost her battle, and died peacefully at my brother’s lake house. I feel so blessed to have been with my mom the days leading up to her death and when she passed. I normally don’t fully put my personal life (other than the silly things I do with my kids) on my blog, but I felt for me to move forward and begin to work again, I needed to share this part of my life with you.
I’ve lost grandparents and close friends but nothing compares to losing a parent, a mother. I really don’t think that I’ve fully accepted that my mom is gone, and unsure of how I should feel. It’s still so raw for me that I am feeling many things; anger, sadness and also a bit of relief which then makes me feel guilty.
I am the youngest of 4 children and the only girl. Growing up during those teenage years I fully gave my parents (especially my mom) a run for their money. My mom would say black and I’d say white…..I am sure not too different from many of you. As I got older and a bit wiser, I started to appreciate my mother more. I would seek her advice and she would give it to me straight, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. After having my own children our relationship deepened. I could see why my mom did the things she did when I was a child. It’s funny, I am now doing those very same things with my own children.
My mother taught me how to deal with life challenges and loved me unconditionally. I could never give her all that she has given me throughout my life. I feel so blessed to of had my mother with me when I got married and the birth of my boys, because so many women don’t have those same opportunities. I will never have that deep rooted relationship with anyone ever again. I will miss her protectiveness, loyalty, encouragement, praise, warmth, and friendship. I love you mom, may your days in heaven be filled with joy and laughter. Until we meet again….